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Either we're just scrolling through Twitter and realize we've unconsciously had our hand in our pants for the last 15 minutes, or we have nothing to do so we're like, "Guess we might as well crank one out. That would be an apt comparison if Lewis and Clark had been jerking off the whole time and the only thing they discovered were a bunch of breasts. A burglar, our mom checking in on us randomly, the mailman, or Jesus gathering everyone for the rapture could come in and see our secret shame: milf-orders-big-sausage-pizza. Yes, you can stream porn, but some dudes still download it. Also, anyone who moves to a log cabin in the woods does it specifically to jerk off to loud porn.

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Most guys go with their hands, I think, but honestly, I don't think a scientific study has ever been done.

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Debating whether it's worth running to grab lotion or not. There is too much porn on the Internet that it makes masturbation paralyzing. Either we're just scrolling through Twitter and realize we've unconsciously had our hand in our pants for the last 15 minutes, or we have nothing to do so we're like, "Guess we might as well crank one out. Most guys go with their hands, I think, but honestly, I don't think a scientific study has ever been done.

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